Sadness Turned Success

It is so much more than just putting down my phone. I think with any habit you must really prepare or be prepared for what will happen when you change.  
Saturday of all days I decided to stay off social media as long as possible only to post and scroll for a few minutes every few hours. This may seem so easy to so many but it wasn't for myself. So what you are about to read is not a fancy and correct how to stay off social media. I am simply writing so I will have an account from yesterday in order to gage how much I have grown down the road.

Social media and the Internet in general is a crutch for me. Its a temporary fix and distraction. I can easily admit that motherhood is at times very lonely. I do not admit as to what I do to fill the void. I waste time on my phone or computer to avoid the real issue. Right now the issue is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I want to avoid this because I do not see a way out. There is no big change coming for my family that would make our situation any different any time soon.  What happened yesterday surprised me.

I began to feel as though I was fasting. I say this not to get praise for fasting. I believe this is God's way of showing me the benefits from fasting. As I began to feel the effects of the change I noticed so many emotions I hid down began to rise to the surface. Lets just say by 11 o'clock I was crying on the phone with my mom.
I feel inadequate and unable to handle things at all times. I know I know it seems silly but it is something I struggle with. It felt good to feel broken and cry out "I just can't handle this. I cant handle this toddler. This clingy baby. The sheer weight of the household on my shoulders"  It feels so good to admit that and know that no matter how broken I am inside, God still loves me. Jesus didn't call the perfect. He called the willing.  I feel so willing to live for God but haven't turned everything in my life over to Him. I'd like to tell you reader that living for him life gets easier but it doesn't. You don't stop struggling with sin once he's Lord of your life. You do however have him with you all the way. He will never leave or forsake you.

So once I was humbled I began to see God more clearly. I saw him telling me "I love you. I love you when you fall and when you pick yourself back up" I also received clarity on some ideas I've been pondering on how to share Jesus.  Below are two things that come to mind
1. begin a moms group with other moms wanting to share Jesus
2. Write down my testimony with more details.

This is part of my journey. What is right is different for you. Talk to God and you will get answers. In my case I just was too distracted to listen.